fatinfarhanna.bs

Saturday, January 22, 2011
by annaferhanna @

My mum's home and the doctor said something really unpleasant. She has to go for some operation and there's a possibility that it might be it. I'm still hoping it isnt true. Blood tests results will be out in three weeks time. I've got such lovely friends, i dont know what i'd do without them.

And about last night, the tweets were just written out of anger and disappointment. I want to forget everything but my little sister has to know that for everything she's doing right now, people's watching. You know, i get blamed for every single thing she did. My mum once slapped me and i even got caned by my dad. She's fully aware of what my parents expect from me and this is what i get. It sucks to be the eldest one seriously. My brother and i have been working on this for a very long time now and i know i'm being selfish to her. Even though i've been through what's she's going through, she will never know the consequences. It'd be nice to have that kind of company, i know. I had such a hard time too. Some secret's aren't meant to be shared and i seriously wish she could understand that. I love each and everyone of them dearly but this is just something i can't quite understand till today.

I've felt like running away a few times but after giving much thought to it, as someone who has been through a lot, it wouldn't be such a wise thing to do would it? Lately, people have been telling me that i've got such a beautiful and fun family. Some even said they wished they had a family like mine. Oh but you know nothing. At times, i wish i hadn't been born. There's something i'm not telling. And it's something i wouldn't want to tell because if i did, the whole world will come down collapsing on me.

If i could name someone i'm missing right now it'd be hakim. Because as far as i'm concern, he's the only person who knows how complicated my life can get. I once rushed to the car, shut the door and cried my heart out when it first happened. He followed me and tried talking it out on me but i just kept crying and the tears won't stop running down my cheeks no matter how hard i tried to stop them from running. He took out a plastic cup from the back seat and poured me a cup of pepsi. I laughed at the instant sight of it. I'm still embarrassed over the fact that he had to see me in such a bad state but oh well, it did stop the crying and he shared a few stories with me. He's also the eldest child and yes, it's heart warming to be talking to someone who'll probably understand my current situation. I miss him ):

We promised each other that this new year, it'll be a better one. Let's start things over.

About me

Hi, I'm Fatin Farhanna.

I'm no plain jane.
My best friends are jewels.

Nineteenth next nineteenth may.
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